The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'

A good book holds you down. It’s an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.

Obama's the most thoughtful-sounding president I can remember. He seems to be saying what he wants to say, and that is a great relief. He always sounds like he's thinking about what he's saying while he's saying it, and that's a rare thing in politicians.

It's my belief that sanity lies in realizing that reality is not exactly what we had in mind.

The first time I walked into a library, I got so excited I almost wet my pants.

Going to Vanderbilt did a lot of things for me, and one of the things it cured me of was the need to follow college football.

Certainly people have said a lot of deeply unfortunate and stupid things in Southern accents, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the accent itself.

Cats have intercepted my footsteps at the ankle for so long that my gait, both at home and on tour, has been compared to that of a man wading through low surf.

Ham's substantial, ham is fat. Ham is firm and sound. Ham's what God was getting at When He made pigs so round.

People don't necessarily want or need to be done unto as you would have them do unto you. They want to be done unto as they want to be done unto.